peculiarity

Drawing,
sketching, painting,
they speak depths
when you can't.
But that time,
she wanted to be
her own representative.
This time
you get a glimpse
of the agony
within herself.

Heavy breaths,
contrasting chest,
tears flow down her cheeks.
"Sarah Kay lied," she thinks;
there are more than a few
heartbreaks that chocolate can't fix.
She was a pathetic loser.
Her hatred for herself
made it all the worse.
She wasn't amazing.
She wasn't anything for that matter,
It's not that she was
underestimating herself,
people were just overestimating her.
She was sad,
no,
more like crushed.
She was dizzy,
her head hurt.
She felt the stab
of more tears in her throat.
They wouldn't come out anymore.
She was walking,
moping around the house.
Her shoulders were heaving,
along with her breath.
She needed a release.
Her hands shook.
She hated herself.
She didn't know how
to stop confusing herself.
Brutally honest people;
the ones who told her
how fat she was,
the ones who
laughed at her
and her failures,
were too painful.
And the ones who
supported her,
who complimented her, well...
in a way,
they were painful too.
Because she so badly
wanted to believe them
but she couldn't
allow herself to.
She wasn't worth
those compliments,
she wasn't worth anything.