night routine

It's at 12:07 am when the clockwork mechanism of my mind begins to tick. It reminds me of the ticking of a bomb upon which the bomb explodes. Its shrapnel reaches just the edges of my heart but nonetheless it hurts. The blood of it trickles down my wrists and mingles with the tears that fall from my eyes.
The clockwork causes the thrumming of my head.
It's in my bed late at night when I can hear my own heartbeat. I can feel my pulse in my neck and my hands capture my chest and feel its thumping.
It's all a nightly cycle, a vicious cycle, a vicious beast that makes its presence known only in the darkness of the evening.
My lungs contain Uranium and because it's radioactive it sends out rays of loneliness and longing and absence of love.
A piercing sound makes its way to my ears despite the silence surrounding me. 

Patriotic

I don't consider myself patriotic.
Saying that in my country is like admitting to a crime. It's as if you've just said you've stabbed two people with a sharp knife in the thigh, punched 5 in the stomach and caused them an internal bleeding and then said you shouldn't be convicted for it.
In Egypt, you are not allowed to not love your country. You are expected to turn a deaf ear and pretend to be blind.

You are expected to not notice how differently everyone is being treated depending on their social status and how much money they seem to have.
You are expected to not make anything of men watching you. Expected to look the other way when they reach for other women.
It is expected from you to pretend that you are walking down the cleanest streets. Expected to not see any garbage lining any corners.
You are supposed to not be bothered by everyone's very lacking driving skills and their inability to drive in a straight line. Supposed to be patient as you wait for hours on end in your car because the streets are just that crowded.
And it is your very unlucky day if there happens to be an accident in the street, which there is, every day, because you. are. not. going. home. anytime. soon. Or arriving at your destination, might as well just give it up.
And when they finally rip you off, whether it be for Taxi money or home appliances, you are supposed to sit still, pay and not expect anyone to do anything about it.
In Egypt, my friend, you are supposed to overlook the people pissing in the streets, the people that look high off their fucking mind and the people that look so heart-wrenchingly poor that you can't help but squeeze your eyes shut.

When they finally rape you, humiliate you, strip you of clothes, money and dignity,
When they finally strip you of every possible right you might think you have,
When their ignorance and underdevelopment finally gets to you,
When sexism and racism is all consuming,
When you can no longer see anything but retrograde,
When you have lost hope
Remember:
I cannot be a patriot.
Not in a country where being a patriot is proof that you are as clueless, foolish and stupid as they make you out to be.