I saw her

I saw her hurting.
I saw her tears,
         her regrets,
I saw how she blamed herself at night,
         how she tantalized herself.
I saw her fears,
         her doubts.
I saw the sadness.
       The one that engulfed her for several reasons
                                          or for the same reason
                                          or for one friend
                                          or for all people,
I saw her sadness.
I saw the way
                     she dreamed,
         the way
                     she screamed
   and the way
                     she contained it all inside.
I saw the way
                      she selflessly diverted
                      the attention from herself...
Selflessly?
I saw her shame,
         her beauty,
         her love
   and the way she was always genuine...
                                                             at least with me.
I saw how her delicate fingers shook,
         how they reassuringly held mine.
                      Reassurance for me or for her
                                                     or for the both of us
                            I couldn't tell.
I saw her devotion,
         her traits,
         her faults,
         her thoughts.
I saw her jokes
                        and I saw the way she laughed,
                                        the way she cried,
                                 and the way she then
                                                                 denied the world her tears.
I saw her contained
                              and I saw her liberal and free.
I saw her wild
         and polite
         and ashamed
         and hurt.
                 And I saw her happy.
I swear to God I saw her happy.
         And then I saw her  longing
                            to stay happy.
I saw her courage,
         her bravery.
I saw her responsible,
               formal,
               important,
               relevant.
I saw her care,
         her delight,
                          the way she was delicate
                                                                even if other people didn't see.
I saw her jumping,      
               excited,
               anticipating.
I saw her beat,
               tired,
               lonely,
               devastated,
               helpless.
I saw her curious,
               obvious,
               knowing,
               deft.
I saw her indifferent,
               scared,
         her cowardice.
I saw her art,
         her pride,
         her spirit.
I saw her patience,
         her forgiveness,
         her grudge.
I saw the light dancing and jumping from her eyes.
I saw her eyes,
         her eyelashes,
         her dark circles,
         her nose,
         her mouth,
         her insecurities.
I saw her heart,
         her soul,
         her broken bits and pieces.
I saw her needy,
               bubbly,
               cuddly
            soft, hard and firm.
I saw her hide,
                      she hid herself a lot,
         her shield.
I saw her pray,
               hope,
           sing and dance.
I saw her fallen
                       and I saw her steady.
I saw her shot,
         how she healed,
         her bandage,
         her excuses.
I saw her fight
          and win
           and lose
            and win and lose.
I saw her in lonely
         and in comforting nights,
               in lovely
         and in mistaken days.
I saw her family,
         her friends,
         her future
                       and I saw her alone.
I saw her scared,
               inspired,
         her denial.
I saw her arrogance,
               humble,
               trustworthy
         and feared.
I saw her neglected,
               collected.
I saw her today.
I saw her forgiven,
               mistaken,
          righteous and right.
I saw her faith,
               believing
         and lost.
And I could almost swear
             I saw her past,
                      her mistakes.
I saw her loved,
               cared for,
               hugged.
I saw her independence,
               shaking,
               feared for.
I saw her stubborn.
                             God damn it, she was stubborn!
I saw her accommodating,
               letting go,
               giving up.
I saw her hold on,
               persistent,
               insisting.
I saw her success,
               fail,
               get up and try again.
I saw her sweet,
               passionate,
               spiritful.
I saw her determined,
               careful,
               reckless.
I saw her mad,
               raging and calm.
I saw her vulnerable,
               powerful
         and in her element.
I saw her tired,
               exhausted,
               fatigued
        and energized.
I saw her insecure,
               loathing.
But I saw her beautiful.
I could almost swear I saw all of her.
I could almost promise I saw her complete.
I could almost insist
                              that I saw her better, clearer
                              than how others
                                                       saw
                                                              HER.
And I could say, frankly, that I love her.